Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
