If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
