Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
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