Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
