So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
