I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
zippers are such a cool invention
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
