its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
