Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I want you more than these girls want KFC
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
