This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I think your dad took our porno
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
