Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I will pee on everything he values.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
