I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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