Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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