guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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