I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
