My friends, they love my intelligence
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
