Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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