What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
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