Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
