I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
