Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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