White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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