Quick, to the slutcave!
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
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