But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
