Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
