they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
