Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
