The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
