i don't like sucking hair
just tell him i said nine months
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
