no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
