im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
