She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
