OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
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