Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
