She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
