Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
