Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
