Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
