Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
