he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
