Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
my being single is dangerous.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
