I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
