im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
not ubering you a puppy
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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