Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
