worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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