the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
