Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
