AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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