Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
