I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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