A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
