You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
