i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I supernannyed him into submission
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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