Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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