I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
