Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
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