I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
