You smell like a Billy Joel song
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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