If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I skipped work to stalk him.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
